Friday, October 04, 2013

The first and only chat session I have ever had on the internet.

Sometimes when I’m being sarcastic, it comes out sounding like I hate everyone in the world. And that upsets me. It really, really does. So instead of confusing people with a long, sad rant about how I have to dumb down everything I say in case one of the half dozen easily-offended morons who I come in contact with occasionally end up reading this (If you’re reading this, you aren’t one of them), I’m going to copy and paste the first and only chat session I have ever had with anyone, ever.
I find much of my existence intolerable. To me, phone calls are harassment, people who spit on the sidewalk are terrorists, and hot weather is some kind of ecological scumfuckery I haven’t fully figured out yet because it’s too hot to think and I want to fire off angry emails at Cecily Tynan. So it is with me. Every time there is not something going on that causes me horrible discomfort, I am pleasantly surprised and actually quite happy.
But now, since when I logged into Yahoo this morning my settings were set to accept random chat sessions from total strangers, I find myself with my head down, weeping silently.
Thus, my day began…

flirty.flirts154:‎ hey there xoxo
Me:‎ Hello?
flirty.flirts154:‎ heya there , cutie!
Me:‎ Hello?
flirty.flirts154:‎ im not stalking hehe I just like talking to people online ;) esp thru webcam… do u webcam?
Me:‎ Are you the nurse?
flirty.flirts154:‎ ah ok :) are u on any dating sites?
Me:‎ No, I’m 87 years old.
flirty.flirts154:‎ I wanted to join adult friend finder but they charge to much! so I use crushcams instead, have you heard of it?
Me:‎ I can’t even operate my coffee maker.
flirty.flirts154:‎ my private profile is , and if u click Accept Invite on the bottom left it’ll let u see me live on full screen :p
Me:‎ Is that you on my television doing the weather? Why is it going to rain? I have to go to the pharmacy.
flirty.flirts154:‎  ;)
Me:‎ If my diaper gets wet I’m calling the library.
flirty.flirts154:‎ mhhm nice and wet lol
Me:‎ I sleep in a chair. Are you the nurse?
flirty.flirts154:‎ ok after you join you just click the login now button and make a Username for our chat ;) just complete the join page so we can cam there, I’m gonna sign off of this msger in a second
Me:‎ I remember you from the television. You’re that young weather girl. Shouldn’t you be in school?
flirty.flirts154:‎  ;)
Me:‎ I have milk in my refrigerator older than you.
flirty.flirts154:‎ well, i have a fetish for bein on camera :p it’s a naughty fetish I know but im a naughty gurl lol
Me:‎ But the refrigerator is broken.
Me:‎ Don’t open it.
flirty.flirts154:‎ its free with my membership, im a vip on there haha! i jus love to show my pussy online, and i can squirt lol, have u ever seen a girl squirt? ;)
Me:‎ Stay the hell out of my refrigerator.
flirty.flirts154:‎ mhhm nice and wet lol
Me:‎ My pants smell like bread dough.
flirty.flirts154:‎ take care , cutie! thank u for msging wit me!!
Me:‎ I have to go feed the pigeons. If it rains I’ll get polio.
Me: Polio.
*flirty.flirts154 is no longer available*