I have to say, I was pretty upset when I read the recent news that Sesame Street was cutting their staff by 20%. I couldn't help but wonder who will be going and who will be staying.
First thing's first- Get rid of Big Bird. They could save insane amounts of money just on birdseed. He's been on the show for over forty years and he still barely knows the alphabet.
Keep Oscar. They can't be paying him much anyway. He lives in a trash can that apparently extends down into the sewer system where he forages for food. It's not like he's buying soap.
Goodbye Elmo. I heard he was moving into directing and producing now anyway. He was afraid of being typecast as a three-and-a-half year old muppet for the rest of his life. He's like the Gary Coleman of muppets. I also heard he beats his wife. There was a VH1 special, I think. He's a PR liability now.
The Amazing Mumford. He has never once gotten a magic trick to go right. Why are we still paying this jackass?
Prairie Dawn stays. She lives the Principle.
Telly has been snorting his entire paychecks since day one. Get him to rehab, for gods sake.
I'm just trying to save the show. I'm open to suggestions.
This morning, on the trolley coming to work, something horrible happened. I sneezed, and as my head lurched forward, I smashed it hard against the pole on the seat in front of me. I was momentarily blinded. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of the schoolchildren behind me howling with laughter. Now I have a giant black and blue lump where my forehead used to be.
No one believes me. Everyone thinks I did something stupid over the weekend. I did many stupid things this weekend but none of them resulted in the egg-shaped lump on my forehead.
I am going to whine about this for a very long time.