Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I really miss the Weekly World News.

I used to look forward to going to the grocery store. I'd wait in line, pick up a copy and start a conversation with a total stranger about whatever was on the cover. Of course, none of us are strangers when faced with the news that the Gates of Hell are open and history's worst villains are coming to kill us all. Or the news that an artichoke heart transplant can actually save your life. I remember being in line one time reading a story about a preacher who spontaneously exploded during a sermon. I turned to an old lady next to me and said "Why? Why do things like this have to happen?"

She just shook her head and muttered "It's a damn shame."

It's moments like these that made the publication so special. It touched our lives.

I remember the shock and feeling of hopelessness and loss the first time I noticed it missing from the checkout lines at the Pathmark in 2007. I think America died a little that day. The Weekly World News gave us all something to fear. Together, as a country.

I think it's awful that we don't have anything like that anymore.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

In the checkout line at Super Fresh the other day, an elderly Asian guy in front of me was buying a big box of chicken. As he approached the cashier, he turned to me with a menacing grin and said in a loud voice "IT'S A HOLIDAAAAAAAY!" and then began laughing maniacally, like a cartoon villain.

This is my new greeting for any and all holidays. So when you see it, don't run away. You will want to, but don't. Just don't.